


Man Down

by WillGrammer



Category: Blue Bloods (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Guilt, Insomnia, M/M, Mentions of Richie's bad mesh, Noble Sanfino is a bisexual methhead, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Short One Shot, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, fight me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 11:45:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13903329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WillGrammer/pseuds/WillGrammer
Summary: Jamie can't sleep after telling Noble the truth about who he really was, he never thought that the man would haunt him.





	Man Down

Whoever said that doing the right thing was worth the struggle was a liar.

 

And while Jamie  _did_ find satisfaction when the under drinking sting he had been originally assigned to get information for when over has turned into something that involved in a few very important members of the Sanfino family and their associates being arrested, while keeping Noble alive in witness protection, the way it all ended falling apart for Noble bothered him.

 

Despite their heated conversation at his office, being called a 'Weasel with a badge' by the angry man wasn't far from the truth, but then again, answering him that he saw him and his family as nothing else but criminals after being accused of using his consistence to gain people's trust until he would screw them over, according to the Italian, wasn't a complete pile of bullshit from Noble's perspective of what was done to him.

 

They were both wrong in the long run. But Jamie was a cop, and Noble was indeed a criminal, and that was the gospel truth. 

 

The man was probably only agreeing to come forward not because it would provide him safety from his violent family after their conviction, but because of his ache to see Bianca again.

 

The only person he might still feel safe to put his trust in after finding out 'Jimmy Riorandan', his savior and friend, was no more than a disguise. 

 

He regret the way he let it all end. The way he chose to tell Noble the truth, but what else could he do with Noble's life being in constant danger? It was luck he survived the shooting. The next time might have been not so lucky. But he was alive thanks to him. And that was all that actually mattered in his eyes. 

 

He had to remind himself that revealing his identity to Noble beforehand would have ruined the entire operation others had put their time and life upon, and talking himself into realizing the disaster he would have caused only for the sake of satisfying the man a proper way of hearing the truth upon his identity.

 

They weren't friends, not actual friends as Noble believed they were, and Jamie found it all the more harder to break his bubble after noticing the man had developed a deeper need for him. An intimate one. Maybe it stressed him, especially when the tension grew between Bianca and himself. 

 

_Was Noble's anger towards him at the office in front of Johnny was the result of him being jealous of his sister for sharing a kiss with him? Or had he really meant what he said about not wanting what he couldn't have when he first met her during her breathtaking performance of ''Hallelujah?''_

 

He was blind to the fact that Noble's behavior changed towards him shortly after he made that speech in his restaurant that night, but he should have realized that the man was thankful for his life being saved when all they did was to share a drink or two in a span of three days before his accidental - or rather intended - mixed drugs in the mesh Richie had given him.  

 

He should have known that Noble were the kind of person to take it personally after hanging around him for weeks when he returned from rehab. But what good was knowing than not knowing?

 

Again, he couldn't spare from Noble the truth of who he was for all this time, just like he couldn't accept his feelings if he were ever to confess to him about what he had felt. 

 

_It wasn't like he was going to play as 'Jimmy' forever._

 

Even if he were to know about the man's feelings towards him beforehand, it wouldn't have changed anything. Because he wouldn't have done anything about it. 

 

He could never love Noble Sanfino, and maybe that realization was keeping Noble awake, too. 

 

That he had fallen in love with his savior who was also an undercover cop that had no intention of becoming his friend or significant other at all, a man that saw him as a criminal and nothing more after learning his name and watching him make amends with his dealer. 

 

Turning around to lay on his side and face his bedroom wall, Jamie closed his eyes. The memory of the look in Noble's eyes when being told of the truth now flashing before him seconds before he tried to hit him, stumbling forward and rolling over the ground, staying down.

 

The look in his eyes reminding the one of a kicked puppy, or rather... a heart-broken, betrayed man. 

 

''Maybe I shot him too,'' Reagan thought out loud. ''Not with bullets, but with my words.'' 

**Author's Note:**

> I know I still haven't updated my on-going fic of Jamie\Noble, but I'll get to it when I'll be inspired. Meanwhile have this instead! (´﹃｀)
> 
> YAY! Angst! My heart is bursting but this had to be written down. I want to explore Jamie's POV a little more, as much as I relate to Noble on a very personal level, I refuse to believe that ''Jimmy''s protectiveness over him was just an act. He must be feeling some regret, right? 
> 
> My Tumblr: https://will-grammer.tumblr.com/
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT AND KUDOS AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK I NEED FEEDBACK
> 
> See ya in hell ya Noobs (or when I update the fic)
> 
> -Alex.


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